I had a dream a few nights ago in which I saw purple everywhere. In that twilight place between sleep and waking, I became meditative about this color, a favorite of mine since childhood for its depth and complexity. I was drawn to its unique position on the color spectrum. When we are purple, we are not quite red, and not quite blue, yet we are also both. As I reflected on this, I realized it perfectly mirrored where I am in my journey of trauma recovery - in a state of becoming, neither who I was nor fully who I will be, yet encompassing both. This in-between state, I've come to understand, is not just a waypoint, but a crucial part of the healing process itself."
Understanding the "Purple State" in Trauma Recovery
When we think of healing, it's tempting to imagine a clear before-and-after: a neat transition from "unhealed" to "healed." But the reality of trauma recovery is far more nuanced, much like the color purple itself.
Imagine for a moment the process of mixing red and blue paint. There isn't a sudden leap from red to blue; instead, there's a gradual shift through various shades of purple. Some moments, the mixture might look more red; other times, it leans towards blue. This is the essence of the "Purple State" in trauma recovery.
In this state, you may find yourself experiencing seemingly contradictory feelings and behaviors:
Strength and vulnerability: You might feel empowered by your progress one day, yet overwhelmed by old triggers the next.
Wisdom and uncertainty: Your experiences have granted you deep insights, but you may still grapple with self-doubt.
Hope and hesitation: You can envision a brighter future, but past pain might make you cautious about embracing it fully.
New skills and old habits: You've learned healthier coping mechanisms, but in moments of stress, you might fall back on familiar, less helpful patterns.
Being "purple" means acknowledging and accepting these contradictions. It's recognizing that healing isn't about erasing the past, but integrating it into who you're becoming. You're not fully defined by your trauma (the "red"), nor have you completely moved beyond it (the "blue"). Instead, you're in a rich, complex state of growth and transformation.
This "Purple State" is not a sign of failure or incomplete healing. Rather, it's an integral part of the recovery process. It's in this state that we learn, adapt, and gradually reshape our narratives. By embracing your "purple-ness," you give yourself permission to heal at your own pace, celebrating progress without demanding perfection.
The Importance of the Journey
In our goal-oriented society, it's easy to fixate on the destination. But when it comes to trauma recovery, the journey itself is where the true healing occurs. The "Purple State" isn't just a transition phase; it's the very essence of healing. Each shade of purple you experience represents a lesson learned, a coping mechanism developed, or a moment of self-discovery. These experiences accumulate, gradually transforming you. It's in the daily choices to face your fears, in the moments you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, and in the small victories that you truly heal.
Remember, trauma didn't happen overnight, and neither does healing. The journey allows you to pace yourself, to integrate new understandings, and to practice resilience in real-time. It's through this process that healing becomes not just a concept, but a lived experience.
Embracing Where You Are
One of the most challenging aspects of the "Purple State" is accepting it. There's often an urge to rush through this phase, to push for "complete" healing. But embracing where you are is crucial for genuine recovery.
Self-acceptance doesn't mean resigning yourself to pain or giving up on growth. Instead, it means acknowledging your current state with compassion. It's recognizing that wherever you are in your journey is exactly where you need to be right now.
Practical ways to cultivate self-acceptance include:
Practicing mindfulness to stay present with your experiences without judgment
Using positive affirmations that acknowledge both your struggles and your strength
Keeping a journal to track your journey, celebrating progress no matter how small
Remember, being "purple" is not a flaw to be corrected, but a beautiful, complex state to be honored.
Celebrating the Process of Becoming
In the "Purple State," every step forward is an achievement worthy of celebration. These celebrations serve multiple purposes: they acknowledge your hard work, reinforce positive changes, and provide motivation for the journey ahead.
Celebrations don't have to be grand gestures. They can be as simple as:
Taking a moment to acknowledge when you've used a new, healthier coping mechanism
Sharing your progress with a trusted friend or therapist
Treating yourself to something special when you've faced a particularly challenging situation
By celebrating the process, you shift your focus from an elusive end goal to the richness of your ongoing transformation.
Practical Tips for Navigating the "Purple" Phase
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a dear friend.
Develop a support network: Surround yourself with people who understand and respect your journey.
Engage in regular self-care: This isn't selfish; it's a crucial part of maintaining your well-being.
Set realistic expectations: Recovery isn't linear. Expect and accept both progress and setbacks.
Seek professional help: A trauma-informed therapist can provide invaluable guidance and support.
Use grounding techniques: These can help when you feel overwhelmed by conflicting emotions.
Explore creative outlets: Art, writing, or music can be powerful tools for processing your experiences.
Move your body: Regular movement promotes physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional healing.
Conclusion: Embracing Your Purple Journey
As we conclude, remember that being "purple" - existing in that space between who you were and who you're becoming - is not just okay, it's valuable. This state, with all its complexities and contradictions, is where true healing and growth occur.
Your journey of recovery is uniquely yours. Some days you may feel more "red," closer to your past experiences. Other days, you'll lean towards "blue," closer to your vision of healing. Both are part of your beautiful, purple reality.
Embrace your purple journey. Celebrate each shade as it comes. Know that in this process of becoming, you are not just healing, you are transforming into a version of yourself that is rich with experience, resilience, and hope.
Remember, the goal isn't to stop being purple. The goal is to embrace your purple, to find beauty and strength in your ongoing journey of healing and growth. You are not broken; you are beautifully in process.
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